SAD

I'm currently in North Carolina and should be feeling exuberant and thrilled to be in one of the few places where I feel at home, but alas, it's rainy and dreary out and I just don't feel like myself. Maybe it's a touch of seasonal affective disorder; maybe not, but it's always fun to self diagnose yourself with a mental disorder. I wish I felt happier and carefree, but all I can think about is how my life isn't exactly going as planned, though I'm not really in control of that despite what mainstream media and countless self help books might have you believe. I know there is a plan and a purpose behind it all and I'm glad that my volunteer vagabondness has been inspiring to some, but it's still not exactly what I ever had in mind for myself.
On a slightly positive note, I'm glad I'm not isolated and at home, but at the same time, I'm not accustomed to being thrust into community everyday. I guess I shouldn't really say thrust because I go voluntarily, but I'm definitely sensing that I'm outside my comfort zone and it's beginning to get a tad overwhelming for my brain. I don't know how my friend appears to so easily glide through these community events, though I know it's not easy for her because she's an introvert just like me and sometimes struggles with the concept of community. I guess she just has more practice. I feel bad because small talk really isn't my strong suit, so I spend a lot of time just standing or sitting around listening to people and not contributing a whole lot. Sure there's lots on my mind, but it doesn't always go with what's being discussed and nothing is worse than telling a completely unrelated story and just getting blank stares from people followed by anyway...Okay so there probably much worse things to deal with in life in the grand scheme of things, but in my little bubble of a life at the moment, that's just a complete nightmare to endure.
Part of me feels bad not expressing these feelings out loud, but I've never been good at talking about my feelings in the moment. I can always tell people after the fact and maybe that's because I don't want to garner unnecessary attention or sympathy. Being the center of attention for any reason is one of my least favorite things, but I guess it has to happen sometimes. I think something else I'm not used to that I've realized on this visit is the fact that people have looked forward to meeting or seeing me. I feel like that rarely happens sans a handful of close friends. Otherwise, nobody ever expresses distinct interest in my existence. It's a nice feeling to have people want to hold a BBQ just because I'm in town and being told that their daughter was so happy to finally meet me. I'm flattered honestly, but at the same time, it's so totally weird and I don't really know how to respond with anything other than an awkward thank you. Not that I haven't been worthwhile to get to know in the past, but I think I've been so good at keeping to myself that not many people really know me or my crazy personality. I tend to keep it under wraps because I just make the assumption I won't fit in so I don't even bother to try. I know, it sounds crazy. Welcome to my world.

Take home points from my morning:

• It's time to accept life outside of my comfort zone
• I need to make more of an effort at small talk
• It's okay to be a bum on the couch on a dreary day

I'm a Runner

Other than calling myself a Christian, I most closely associate myself as a runner. I've been running since I was about 8 years old, so I've been on the move the majority of my life. Recently, though, due to an ankle injury back in October and sheer laziness, my running has been sparse to say the least. But after yesterday and hearing about the bombing at the Boston Marathon, I have a new sense of motivation to make sure I get myself to run.
Many of the injuries to those closest to the bomb when it went off were to the lower extremities. News stories flooded social media and websites about numerous people with amputations due to the force of the blast. I can't imagine the excruciating pain those people experienced or the months of rehabilitation to learn how to function again without particular limbs. By looking at it from that perspective, I feel like I have no excuse not to run. I have all of my limbs in good functioning order. Sure, I might have the normal aches and pains of a runner, but these people are having to endure unthinkable pain. Why should I not use the body God gave me in a healthy manner, such as running? I must remember that I no longer have an excuse to be lazy. The people impacted by the explosions in Boston now serve as my motivation. I not only run for them, but for the whole sport of running. The entire community was impacted whether they were in Boston or not. I'm hoping more people are fueled by the urge to run in order to demonstrate that we'll continue to stick together like the family we are, even if we're complete strangers.

Take home points from my day:

• Runners and spectators have a unique bond
• Being able to run is a blessing
• Always tell people that you love them
• There's a reason for everything
• There's always time to pray and run