Stop Pretending

All too often we spend time around the holidays pretending to be happier than we really are. Culture has us stuck in a conundrum. The American Dream is all about being the best version of ourselves, which allows no room for negative emotions. Constantly we must hold up our end of this false perception that we are truly happy with our lives and that nothing could be better than now. Truth of the matter is, we're all lying to others and ourselves.
If I'm to be honest, I'm one of the most discontented people I know. That might come as a surprise to some because I've been blessed with the opportunity to travel around the United States to volunteer with Samaritan's Purse. The problem is that part of me yearns to have a career and not to live as a vagrant, sleeping in my car as I drive 32 hours to Colorado by myself. Part of me would rather have a traveling companion as opposed to being alone all the time. Except once I reach my destination, surrounded by people, I yearn to be alone. That's the problem with me. If I'm at home, I'd rather be traveling. If I'm traveling, I'd rather be home. When I'm with people, I wish I wasn't, and when I'm alone, I wish I had company.
Too much time is spent wishing we were living someone else's life, rather than making the most of our own. I have people telling me they are jealous of my travels, when I'm secretly jealous they have childhood friends they can always depend on. Underneath our smiles, we're all secretly dying inside. Dying to just be honest about our discontent and unhappiness. Anybody who pretends to not know what I'm talking about is again just lying. I'm onto you. I know your denial of negative emotions in your life really just means you're hiding something. Many who appear happy on the exterior are deeply distraught internally because they've been taught that admitting depressive episodes is a sign of weakness. Mental health is never discussed, but brushed under the carpet. If we were free to discuss our feelings, we wouldn't feel as if we were being crushed by remarkable burdens. Isolation and being left alone to handle our unhappiness is quite possibly the biggest lie that has ever been promoted in this country.
So I challenge you to be honest with yourself and others. Admit your struggles. Admit your failings. Stop pretending you have the perfect life when you don't. But at the same time, stop comparing your life to someone else's. Your life is unique and special. You're bound to get stuck in a rut, but don't stay there. Realize what you want to achieve and then take steps forward to allow that to come to fruition.
I gave up on myself two years ago. I'm not totally sure why, but I did. I stopped striving, and as a result, my career was put on hold. I no longer enjoyed what I used to, making conversations with people difficult. They can't understand why the runner no longer runs. They can't figure out how someone with a Master's degree can't find a job. They can't figure out why someone who at times exuded joy is constantly melancholy. What doesn't help is that I have no answers to provide. I'm not who I once was, yet I don't know who I want to become. All I know is that I struggle to sit down and read like I used to, and that I really need to make time for God. He is the only solution. For Him I must stop pretending.

Addendum to the Official Rules of Hobo-try

The following rules of Hobo-try should also be considered during interactions:

• Souped-up vespas (preferably with dragons on the front) are the best mode of travel
• Hobos always take you out below the knees
• Musical tastes typically involve lesser known bands
• Folk, punk rock, & ska are the favorite genres
• They always give unsuspecting babies mohawks

Official Rules of Hobo-try

After much campfire discussion this evening, it was determined that there need to be some unofficial official rules for whenever anybody hangs out with a bunch of hobos. The most important of all these rules is that they are mine and the second most important rule is that I make them up as I go. As long as you pay attention to those cardinal rules, you're golden, though I utterly loathe that particular phrase. Why I just opted to use it, nobody will ever know.
So in no particular order, here are the remaining Rules of Hobo-try:

• Somebody must always be referred to as Hobo Billy Bone
• Any beverage located within a paper bag is considered hobo juice
• Hobos are only able to afford moccasins
• The official fire-starting theme song is "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel
• Fires get better once you kick them
• Always have an assortment of knives, wooden clubs, and machetes at your disposal
• Public gatherings should always occur around campfires
• Whenever a fire sparks, it means it doesn't appreciate your attitude
• If your hands get cold, pick up a flaming log to warm them up
• List writing should not occur on flammable materials that can be easily dropped into the fire
• You must have read at least one book from the Boxcar Kids series
• Always say "inertial motion" three-times fast
• Catchphrase of the hipster hobo is: "It's not my cup of tea, it's my bag of Pepsi."
• Don't accidentally slice off a part of your finger with a hatchet
• Rule #42 is you don't leave before a fire is out
• The Little Dipper is forever off clubbing baby seals
• Rule #43 is you put fires out yourself
• One must wear a knit cap with a pen sticking out from it so the shadow of a pen looks like a scar on your face
• The majority of the rules must involve fire
• Hobos are not to be arsonists
• There much be much laughter when gathered with other hobos
• Always stare into the flames of a fire in a contemplative manner
• Remember that life is not all about you
• God is in charge of your life
• Tostito's are an essential snack
• The list of rules is never ending and can be added to at any time when necessary

Life Irks Me

Maybe it's because I've been reading Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer, and maybe it's because of the conversation I had with my brother this morning, but I don't understand why we insist on spending our lives wasting time at jobs we hate to make money to keep up with people we don't care about in order to have possessions that are pointless. Not that I want to waste my education, but why spend the rest of my days doing something I find dull and tiresome? I wish there was a way to spend my days traveling, writing, and helping people, whether that be through disaster relief or sharing about the benefits of running. I've discovered that I'm quite the minimalist in life and would be perfectly content living out of my car bumming around the country. So why strive for a paycheck larger than what is necessary in order to live a conventional life? I feel like I'll miss out if I just stay in one spot. I'll end up doing something useless like constantly watching repeats of NCIS or Rizzoli & Isles just because I live in a house or apartment. Wouldn't my time be more well spent traveling around and sharing experiences with others, possibly writing about all of my adventures so others could live vicariously through me if they're stuck in the hubbub of daily life that is status quo America?
Why do we feel the need to torture ourselves in order to live up to supposed expectations or keep up with the people in our circle of friends? I know too many people who loathe what they're doing with their lives and it's all just to chase after the myth of the American Dream. There's no way to fill a void with possessions, friends, spouses, or children, if the root of the problem is that you aren't happy with how you conduct your life. My goal is to go against the grain and live my life to the fullest, which may not involve heaps of money. I've never been one to want much in the way of material things (except for books; I long to turn my habitat into a library), so why do I need to make six figures by working 14 hour days in the hopes that someone might look longingly at what I have? Seems like a giant circus. I'd much rather spend my time with people I love and care about than at a job I hate.

Take home points from my day:

• I have no idea why we spend time doing what we hate
• I might write a rambling book about my haphazard life
• I have no idea what to do with my life
• My brother and I are in the same boat in life

Au Revoir

So a friend of mine is moving from Pennsylvania to the great Smoky Mountains of North Carolina on Saturday. Last night I met up with her and another friend of ours for a bit of a goodbye dinner. The restaurant that was chosen for this event was the Powerhouse Eatery in White Haven, which I had never heard of, until yesterday. When we arrived, there was a foyer where we had to wait for a hostess to seat us. As we glanced into the dining room area, we realized that the establishment was much fancier than we anticipated. I joked that I could now cross something off of my bucketlist: eating dinner in a fancy restaurant whilst dressed as a hobo.

The hostess sat us in the back room (almost like she knew how we act in public) and KK requested the booth, which was practically closed off to the rest of the eating area. It was pretty cool to have our own little nook, and it was definitely necessary given our conversations. Our first, albeit brief, discussion involved the debate of "once saved, always saved" and how to interpret certain Bible verses about the issue. Soon Hannah was speaking in foreign accents and telling a made up story about the German phrase "macht schnell," which means hurry up, but Hannah told a story about a man herding snails 37 miles in Alaska. Because, you know, that's related. Our conversation soon drifted to the show "1000 Ways to Die" and how it would be amazing if Hannah went to the beach with her future husband dressed as an Amish couple, but then they opt to rebel and strip down to a bikini and speedo. KK and I are supposed to be in the crowd to film it whenever this occurs; I can't wait for that day.
After dinner we decided to go drive past the monastery to see if it was as interesting as we made it out to be in our heads. Unfortunately, there were a bunch of workers at the end of the driveway, so we couldn't go make friends with a bunch of Greek Orthodox monks. We circled back to the eatery's parking lot listening to the Rend Collective Experiment, which Hannah determined is like the Christian version of Mumford & Sons. We had an impromptu dance party in the parking lot following our spinning in circles and trying to walk straight on the lines of the parking lot. Definitely a lot harder than I thought it'd be. Soon we were taking pictures of all of us trying to do cartwheels and handstands, followed by interpretive dances such as life of a polliwog and attack of the dinosaur. I can't imagine a better way to send off a dear friend on a new adventure in life!

Take home points from my day:

• Euthanasia...not to be confused with kids in China
• I feel like I'm in an episode of The Big Bang Theory trying to find a chirping cricket inside 
• It's fun to play the game of "Who can drop more bo-bos"
• A 4 month old pretending to be superman is rather drooly
  
  

Thunderstorm Thinking

So it just started thundering outside. I honestly should be asleep by now because I've been awake since 2am and that was after only getting 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night. Pure craziness right there. But, alas, my mind is swirling with thoughts as per usual. Today has really demonstrated that life is short and we need to be as joyful for what we have has possible. I don't really want to get into it, but started my day with two separate, yet equally sad stories. At the same time, because I'm so utterly beyond exhausted, I'm questioning everything in my life right now and desperately wanting to just fall asleep so as to not have my mind go down the rabid rabbit trails. It's an unfortunate frequent occurrence (jeepers that is one hard word to spell; like it legit took me 10 times before I gave up and typed it partly into Google) when I'm overly exhausted. I second guess myself. I wonder if what I want out of life is really what I want out of life or just somebody else's plan for me. I question whether people care, which is just plain silly. And worst of all I waste time comparing myself to others when I'm my own unique person who is loved for being herself, not some fake person. I need to always embrace the real me and be aware of if I ever sense I'm changing myself to suit somebody else because that's just bad news bears right there. Part of me would no longer exist if I opted out of my true self. Honestly I don't know why I'm so caught up in people's opinions of me. They don't really matter in the long run; only God's opinion of me. And He wouldn't be too happy if I chose to attempt to be somebody else. I can't improve upon His perfect creation and I shouldn't try to morph into another creation just to suit somebody else's liking. I need to feel comfortable in my own skin. I only wish that day would come faster so I don't feel so awkward all the time. It's an uncomfortable feeling, always being unsure of yourself and questioning who you really are to yourself and others. I don't recommend or wish that on anyone (TOTALLY JUST JUMPED DUE TO LOUD THUNDER gosh that normally doesn't scare me, but it made me chuckle cuz I typed anywon originally rather than anyone). But I digress. When will I just feel comfortable being me and love all of my quirks (or quarks...oh how I miss Petey at times like this). But alas, some things fall apart for better things to fall together. I can't rely on people or their opinions. I can just love them where they're at and for who they are. No more of this trying to compare life stories to see who is better or worse off. Seems so much like that Icon for Hire song "Get Well" and I'm starting to drive myself crazy. I can't imagine how others feel, but I'm sure enough is enough.

Take home points from my day:

• Lots of rain means road closures due to flooding
• I make no sense when I type whilst exhausted
• Scottish accents amuse me
• There's a draft in my room, but I don't know where it's coming from
• I just noticed a vent in my ceiling, which is probably the source of the draft
• Tonight's post is probably making reader's question why they follow a hipster hobo's thought processes

SAD

I'm currently in North Carolina and should be feeling exuberant and thrilled to be in one of the few places where I feel at home, but alas, it's rainy and dreary out and I just don't feel like myself. Maybe it's a touch of seasonal affective disorder; maybe not, but it's always fun to self diagnose yourself with a mental disorder. I wish I felt happier and carefree, but all I can think about is how my life isn't exactly going as planned, though I'm not really in control of that despite what mainstream media and countless self help books might have you believe. I know there is a plan and a purpose behind it all and I'm glad that my volunteer vagabondness has been inspiring to some, but it's still not exactly what I ever had in mind for myself.
On a slightly positive note, I'm glad I'm not isolated and at home, but at the same time, I'm not accustomed to being thrust into community everyday. I guess I shouldn't really say thrust because I go voluntarily, but I'm definitely sensing that I'm outside my comfort zone and it's beginning to get a tad overwhelming for my brain. I don't know how my friend appears to so easily glide through these community events, though I know it's not easy for her because she's an introvert just like me and sometimes struggles with the concept of community. I guess she just has more practice. I feel bad because small talk really isn't my strong suit, so I spend a lot of time just standing or sitting around listening to people and not contributing a whole lot. Sure there's lots on my mind, but it doesn't always go with what's being discussed and nothing is worse than telling a completely unrelated story and just getting blank stares from people followed by anyway...Okay so there probably much worse things to deal with in life in the grand scheme of things, but in my little bubble of a life at the moment, that's just a complete nightmare to endure.
Part of me feels bad not expressing these feelings out loud, but I've never been good at talking about my feelings in the moment. I can always tell people after the fact and maybe that's because I don't want to garner unnecessary attention or sympathy. Being the center of attention for any reason is one of my least favorite things, but I guess it has to happen sometimes. I think something else I'm not used to that I've realized on this visit is the fact that people have looked forward to meeting or seeing me. I feel like that rarely happens sans a handful of close friends. Otherwise, nobody ever expresses distinct interest in my existence. It's a nice feeling to have people want to hold a BBQ just because I'm in town and being told that their daughter was so happy to finally meet me. I'm flattered honestly, but at the same time, it's so totally weird and I don't really know how to respond with anything other than an awkward thank you. Not that I haven't been worthwhile to get to know in the past, but I think I've been so good at keeping to myself that not many people really know me or my crazy personality. I tend to keep it under wraps because I just make the assumption I won't fit in so I don't even bother to try. I know, it sounds crazy. Welcome to my world.

Take home points from my morning:

• It's time to accept life outside of my comfort zone
• I need to make more of an effort at small talk
• It's okay to be a bum on the couch on a dreary day

Lost in Translation

Somehow my family's harmless dinner conversation took a slight turn towards crazytown the other night. It started out simple enough, discussing my one friend's wedding and how I am one of 7 bridesmaids. This somehow made my dad think of Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs, which would have been fine and dandy, except he began to then think in German. My dad said some sentence in German that I didn't understand (surprise surprise) and he starts laughing. My mom and I of course asked him what he just said and all my dad could do was shake his head, which indicated that he wasn't exactly sure if he should repeat in English what he just said. Turns out it translated to The Snow Whore and the 7 Dwarfs, but of course we couldn't just stop there. My mom decided it would be best to change the dwarfs out for concubines, so we officially have a new version of Snow White entitled The Snow Whore and the 7 Concubines. No wonder I am the way I am. There's absolutely no hope for sanity, but I think I'm okay with that.

Take home points from my day:

• Running is a great way to relieve stress
• Laughter will forever be the best medicine
• Each day is time for a new adventure
• Don't always assume the worst and waste time worrying

I'm a Runner

Other than calling myself a Christian, I most closely associate myself as a runner. I've been running since I was about 8 years old, so I've been on the move the majority of my life. Recently, though, due to an ankle injury back in October and sheer laziness, my running has been sparse to say the least. But after yesterday and hearing about the bombing at the Boston Marathon, I have a new sense of motivation to make sure I get myself to run.
Many of the injuries to those closest to the bomb when it went off were to the lower extremities. News stories flooded social media and websites about numerous people with amputations due to the force of the blast. I can't imagine the excruciating pain those people experienced or the months of rehabilitation to learn how to function again without particular limbs. By looking at it from that perspective, I feel like I have no excuse not to run. I have all of my limbs in good functioning order. Sure, I might have the normal aches and pains of a runner, but these people are having to endure unthinkable pain. Why should I not use the body God gave me in a healthy manner, such as running? I must remember that I no longer have an excuse to be lazy. The people impacted by the explosions in Boston now serve as my motivation. I not only run for them, but for the whole sport of running. The entire community was impacted whether they were in Boston or not. I'm hoping more people are fueled by the urge to run in order to demonstrate that we'll continue to stick together like the family we are, even if we're complete strangers.

Take home points from my day:

• Runners and spectators have a unique bond
• Being able to run is a blessing
• Always tell people that you love them
• There's a reason for everything
• There's always time to pray and run

Pray for Boston

I'm at a loss for words. The Boston Marathon is supposed to be a celebration for runners who have reached the pinnacle in their sport. It's like the runners version of the Super Bowl, World Cup, World Series, or Stanley Cup. It usually remains under the radar because few have an appreciation for the physical and mental battle that these runners endure and find it a boring event to watch. I was excited to stream it live online to have my friend's 10 week old son "watch" the race with me. Honestly, he slept through most of it, but when he was awake, he was rather intrigued. It should be a happy memory for us to share in the future, but instead, it's marred by the senseless bombing of innocents at the finish line. Why the heck would anybody want to bomb a marathon? Or anywhere for that matter? I don't understand what causes someone to lash out at people they don't even know. There's no reason to completely ruin what is meant to be a joyous occasion in the running community. My heart goes out to all of the runners, spectators, first responders, volunteers, and physicians who were all impacted in some way by this tragedy. I can't even imagine what it must have been like to endure such an event. I did not have anybody close to be at the event, but I did hear of an acquaintance's parents being there and narrowly escaping the bombing. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of Boston. My hope is that the running community will endure and band together, stronger than ever to continue running. This will not stop us. We will continue to make strides in order to inspire those around us in the midst of the chaos and tragedy.

Take home points from my day:

• There is evil in the world
• Good always triumphs over evil
• Runners are resilient
• The running community is one big family
• Tomorrow is another day

I Survived!

Well since I'm able to type this, you must have figured out that I didn't die at the gym yesterday. Although, that probably had a lot to do with the fact that I opted out of the Olympic lifts and stuck to kettlebell deadlifts, kettlebell swings, dumbbell curls, and a core workout. My hamstrings are screaming everytime I walk, but I'm at least alive to tell the tale.
I also did meet an entertaining gentleman at Starbucks yesterday and did feel awkward sitting next to him as I read since he was wearing a suit and I so clearly was not dressed to impress. He apparently was preparing for a presentation at a conference on international civil societies. I told him that I work at a campground/river rafting place for 5 months of the year and volunteer with Samaritan's Purse in my spare time. I was amazed he had actually heard of Samaritan's Purse; I didn't expect a man with an Irish accent in a suit to have heard of the Christian relief organization, but it's nice to be proven wrong on occasion. We laughed at the enthusiasm of the workers at Macy's who apparently have a party every morning when they come in for work. Where can I sign up?
The rest of this post is dedicated to the fact that I can see God working in my life. I've got a Master's degree in exercise physiology and have had minimal luck finding a job in my field. A week ago I recommitted myself to working at the campground, which I think was set up by God. Why might you ask? Because today I just got a job offer in research (my dream) in the Bronx (a place that has strung me along twice). Since I prefer to honor my commitments, I kindly turned the position down, which some might think is against my better judgement. But I think it was God's plan all along to have me turn it down and go back to the place along the river to minister to those lost people. It's an eye opener to realize even more so that I'm meant to be there and maybe not necessarily in my field of expertise right now. I mean, if I took the job in the Bronx, that would hinder my ability to move to North Carolina, which is where I truly feel my home should be. And I'm beginning to believe that's where God wants me because He knew the Bronx job would come up and would hinder my path if I did not have a valid reason to reject the offer.

Take home points from my day:

• God is in charge of my life whether it's always apparent or not
• Doors will open to opportunities when you least expect it
• Loyalty is a quality everybody should possess
• If you take a bullet to the head, you don't have to worry about insurance or sheets for your bed...wise words from a Starbucks patron

Sticking Out Like a Sore Thumb

Picture it. Great Neck. April 2013. A lone female sitting in the corner of a newly opened Starbucks in red sweatpants, a gray long sleeve, and running shoes. I figured I would stick out in this hotsy-totsy neighborhood given my appearance, but luckily the barista figures I'm going for a workout this morning. We had some amusing banter about how she would have to get up at 2am to even consider exercising. She happens to be right about me and going for a workout. It helps that one of my friends is a trainer, but in all honesty, let's face it, the workout will probably kill me today. I mean, how the heck am I supposed to pull off Olympic lifting with my chicken arms and mile long legs? It's not like I'm in shape either, but I need to be in order to drag rafts, kayaks, and canoes all summer long. But I legit might not be able to move tomorrow after this workout. I've got 5 hours to mentally prepare, mull over my impending doom, or just figure out how to run away, but I know I won't do that. That wouldn't make for a good story. Me almost dying in a gym under some weights; now that'll be a good story.

Take home points from my morning:

• I found it amusing that somebody referred to a thunderstorm as Hurricane Sandy's daughter
• Everytime I show up, my one friend forgets how to function like a human being
• Do Super Atheists wear capes?
• Ironically my brother flew to Germany on National Sibling Day...way to celebrate by escaping dude :)

It's Funny Because I Thought About It

So last night I was out with friends at an Italian restaurant in Kutztown. It was a post-birthday birthday dinner extension whatever you wanna call it. Regardless, it was free food for me so I was happy, not to sound like a complete selfish jerk. I was super ecstatic to see a dessert called peanut butter explosion. Of course somebody had to be silly enough to ask me what it was and I promptly responded by saying it was an explosion of peanut butter...cue eye roll and a chorus of sighs. I then proceeded to entertain the waitress because I wrote something down on my hand to remember despite the fact that I had a notebook sitting on my lap. I told her it was because I wanted to remember it for later and I couldn't lose my hand unless somebody chopped it off. (Though that might be cool because I could be the female version of Captain Hook). The group's conversation then progressed into wondering whether or not you actually get drunker by drinking beer through a straw and the fact that Lu's family now has 15 beds for 4 people, which is the total opposite from her childhood. As she put it, "Four teenagers in the same room...I don't recommend it." We also got talking about the Train song "50 Ways to Say Goodbye" and how awesome it was and I pointed out the irony of a crappy purple Scion being parked in the parking lot behind us.

On a sidenote, I find it really touching that one of my friend's trusts me enough to text at like 1am to see if I'm awake and then proceed to spill out honest issues and truly ask for my advice. It means the world to me to be utilized by God in such a manner and being blessed with encouraging words to pass on via the Holy Spirit. Knowing that they could go to anybody else but opting for little me just makes me feel like I have a purpose. Sure, this person could have been talking to like five other people at the same time, but regardless, she still felt compelled to contact me and pour her heart out to me, and I'm grateful and blessed to have been able to assist the best I could.

To go off on another tangent, at 9pm tonight my brother is flying to Germany and will be gone until the end of July. I don't think I have allowed myself to fully comprehend the gravity of this. Not being able to randomly text him or hang out for 3.5 months will be a bit of a change. It just reminds me about how things in this life can change so fast. One minute you can be in the midst of a career and the next, you're  leaving that behind for a foreign country. In a sense, that's happened to me, minus the whole traveling to a foreign country. I fully expected to be working within the field of exercise physiology following the completion of my Master's degree, but that hasn't been in the cards for me. Instead, my life has been unemployment, temp jobs, Samaritan's Purse volunteer work, and realizing I'm heading back to my own personal Ninevah. And to tell you the truth, I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm definitely not doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing, but I think I'm on the right path. I have no bloody clue where that path is heading, but I'm happy to be on it and so utterly thankful for the people I've met along the way. I've discovered my true family in this process, which means more to me than any job or career ever could.

Take home points from my day:

• What came first, the cocaine or the brain aneurysm? 
• Paramore's new album is epic
• Everybody must read Sparkly Green Earrings
• It's best to laugh at life and yourself
• Reality can be painful and sobering, but must be accepted as is
• Accept all emotions from God, not just the good ones
• It's important to remember your life events
• The existence of the umbrella sword makes me happy inside

Quarter Century Reflections

Last night I had an early birthday dinner with my parents and brother. It was a tasty lasagna that I baked and a cake that my mom baked. Of course she used the candles that don't blow out, so I got a glass of water and dipped the candles in it since they wouldn't blow out. My brother was sweet and got me Oreos and a bouquet of roses. My dad gave me a sweet card that had a bookmark and said to keep reading and traveling, along with a large bag of mini Reese's cups. Madre got me two neon tanktops and a lovely card. Pretty awesome! I didn't realize until my brother was leaving, though, that it would be our last meal as a family until at least July since my brother is leaving for Germany next week.
Anyways, I turned 25 today. I'm not one who enjoys being the center of attention, so birthdays have a tendency to be a bit of a dilemma. I enjoy visiting people, but I don't want them to make a big deal over it or me. I also would much rather spend time with people than have them buy me presents because memories are what I really treasure, as opposed to material possessions. Overall, today was a fantastic day on many levels.
Despite the fact that I was functioning on three hours of sleep, I've enjoyed every minute of my birthday thus far. It was nice to get texts and Facebook messages from people, but I especially loved chilling with my favorite two month old. Getting to have naptime with Niklaus was super relaxing and just what I needed. Mama was nice enough to make me french toast for breakfast since I showed up at 10am, which was about 9 hours early for dinner according to Papa. I said it was because I wanted to make sure Mama didn't set it on fire by accident. J's Pop and Nan showed up for dinner, too, along with two friends and her sister Lu. Mama made an excellent spread of baked chicken, stuffed shells, Texas toast, meatballs, bowtie noodles, and sauce. To top it all off, they made me an icecream cake with chopped Oreos and Reese's cups and Skittles on top. The presents were lowkey and included a framed collage of pictures of me and the little guy, a 45 oz bag of Skittles and the book God Never Blinks, which has a bright orange cover...so me!
I think my favorite present, though, came from Hannah and KK from afar. They were at a flea market in Lewisburg and decided to make a video compilation singing me "Happy Birthday" in a variety of fashions that involved a creepy doll, mannequin heads, pictures of Dracula, and a roller skate with flowers jutting out of it. By far the sweetest and most hilarious thing anybody has ever done for me :)

Take home points from my day:

• Family is not all about DNA
• Correspond with those you love most no matter what
• I always end up getting random, extremely awkward advice from people such as you can wake up and eat at 2am but don't expect loving from a man who is fast asleep
• I'm an excellent multi-tasker
• My friends care more about me than I ever thought
• Moving in is not the same as passing through frequently

Five Hour Pancakes

Let me set the stage for you. I've been staying with a friend of mine who has a two month old; the cutest two month old ever, who is already a flirt. I see a budding mini Tony DiNizzo on the horizon. Needless to say, my sleep schedule and everybody else's in the house is a little less than normal because when the flirt wakes up, the majority of the house does too. This can make functioning throughout the rest of the day a little interesting to say the least.

Fast forward to about noon when Mama asks if we all would like pancakes. With a resounding yes, the griddle was warmed and ready for business! I opted to hold the little man while his ma ate her pancakes before I went to the kitchen for my serving of fresh pancakes. Papa was flipping over some pancakes when I got my plate of pancakes and returned to the living room. Mama insisted that I have seconds and to finish off the last of the pancakes so that there weren't any leftovers. Apparently she's realized the storage capacity of my so-called "hollow leg" and insists that I fill it to the brim with food. Once I had my fill of five pancakes, I chose to lay on the couch with the little man for the next four hours.

Four hours later, Mama walks into the living room clacking some hard brown objects together. She proceeded to tell us that I apparently did not ingest the last of the pancakes because she forgot about the four that were still cooking on the griddle and had been there for approximately five hours. Why we never smelled anything burning we'll never know, but chalk it up to some busy guardian angels! We also determined that five hour pancakes = not so instant hockey pucks. They also could be used to patch up holes in rusty car fenders, depending on your usage preference. Regardless, it makes for a funny story and Mama has since fired herself from working in the kitchen.

A little while later, the following conversation took place:

J: Can I go out on a limb here?

Me: Be careful!

J: Can I have an egg sandwich?

Mama: Now?

J: (insert sarcastic tone here) No, I'm putting in my order for tomorrow morning.

Me: Well, she figures it's gotta cook overnight (given the five hour pancake ordeal).

On a completely unrelated note, I opened the Sticky Notes application on my laptop and found some pretty awesome quotes that I typed from conversations I had with people. In no particular order we have:

"I used to be an altar boy. See I used to be close to God."..."Well what happened?"

"If you guys were in a sci-fi movie, you guys would be shot for noncompliance."

"The tank with no knees...sounds like a children's story."

"I'm not going for time. I'm going for don't break your ankle."

Take home points from my day:

• I got swayed, not suede the fabric
• Warning: if you go to grab the waffle box, beware of flying milk; it could knock you out
• Mama should attach smoke detectors to herself

It Never Hurts to Just Listen

We all have family members that we get tired of hearing the same stories from. The truth is, they just want to talk and share about their lives. Younger people tend to lose patience with older generations and decide they don't feel like listening for the millionth time. What's great, though, is when you get the opportunity to listen to stories from a member of somebody else's family because to you, they are fresh stories, and it appeases that older generation; they finally have listening ears that have a piqued interest. Because I didn't grow up having my grandparents around, I thoroughly enjoy listening to the adventures of other people's grandparents and learning their life stories. You never know what somebody has been through until you listen to what they've experienced. Just by listening, I've come across people who have helped the homeless, encountered poisonous snakes in South America, handed out socks to women on 9/11 because they had nothing but high heels to wear, overcome cocaine addictions, or were competitive ballroom dancers back in the day. Everybody has a story to share. Are you willing to take the time to listen to all of the exciting and mediocre details?

Take home points from my day:

• Don't be afraid to ask people to visit; you never know how excited they'll be over an invite
• More people care about you then you are aware
• Count your blessings, not your troubles
• Be patient and ask questions
• Two month olds can have a nasty uppercut and acknowledge this with laughter

Resurrection Sunday

To some, today is just about the Easter bunny, chocolate eggs, jellybeans, and Peeps. But to a Christian like me, today is the most important day of the year. It is proof that Jesus conquered death and that I will not have to suffer the penalty for my sins. The resurrection is what proves Christianity to be true, for without it, there is no hope and what we profess in the Gospel would be false (1 Corinthians 15:1-58). But Paul tells us that we have hope because Jesus is alive and he himself encountered him on the road to Damascus. Paul, who was Saul, was one of the people most fervently against the Christian movement. He was a top intellectual from his day, and he had a complete reversal of character and became one of the most outspoken apostles. From his own personal account, we are reminded that the whole of Christianity falls on the fact that Jesus did in deed rise from the dead. Without this, our labor would be in vain, but it is not. We have hope and faith because God kept His promise and Jesus overcame the snares of death. We no longer have fear of death if we accept Jesus in our hearts and repent of our sins, striving to change our ways and follow Christ's example of how to live.

Take home points from my day:

• The choir at church can bring a grown man to tears on Easter Sunday
• I enjoy the music of Imagine Dragons and Of Monsters and Men
• I still don't understand much German
• God is at work in the hearts of the people you least expect
• Arguing and being right isn't always worth it

Dessert Conversations

After the Good Friday service at church, my mom, brother, and his friend opted to go to a local restaurant for some tasty dessert. Turns out my brother had been there earlier in the evening, so the waitress was really confused. When she came up to the table she was like, "Weren't you here earlier? But you've since changed your shirt." Another waitress asked for my dad and my mom said he was out wandering, and the waitress said she'd pick him up on the way home if she happened to see him on the side of the road. Following this exchange, brownies, cannolis, and cheesecake were ordered along with some coffee, water, and milk. To be funny, my brother opted for using a straw with his coffee, but it turns out others have tried that in the past. I always avoid coffee because there is only a very small window in which it is drinkable. If you don't drink within that window, it's either scalding hot or too cool to be decent coffee.
Over dinner I recounted harrowing accounts of taking people down the river in the summer, explaining the fun joys of dealing with girls who, when told to paddle to shore, respond with, "What if we don't want to?" and another group involving people who really only knew Russian and two of whom were pregnant and I didn't know it. I guess a red flag should have been knowing they were part of a bungalow colony, but I'm not one who tends to ask questions. Maybe that should change in the future. I also shared about how I have been blessed with the opportunity to return family Bibles to two different families when deployed with Samaritan's Purse. It's amazing that these Bibles were even still intact, especially after the tornado and the demolition of the two homes, with the rubble getting piled along the road.
As we were getting to leave, we had a great conversation with our waitress. Apparently it'd been a really long day so she had opted for a Mountain Dew and two caffeine pills. We told her she didn't have to stand still since the ability to contain any movements would be too much to handle. She mentioned how her husband probably would be confused since she'd be so wired she'd wanna just go play Black Ops, rather than just passing out and sleeping immediately, which is what she normally does. Just to prove to her that she wasn't going crazy, we did show the waitress the collar of my brother's purple shirt to prove he was the same person as earlier. She commented on how it was very similar to an Easter egg, which was very fitting. She complained that she was stuck wearing all green, so I told her she was just like the grass in the bottom of the Easter baskets. Our waitress said she felt more like the Jolly Green Giant and said she should probably be holding be stalks of corn and trying to sell them to us. It was a rather random conversation, but made for some good laughs.

Take home points from my day:

• The best non sequitur when discussing weight distribution in a vehicle: and that's the same issue you'll run into if you don't compensate for added weight in a helicopter when breaking people out of jail
• Speaking of eating cats is another good non sequitur
• Apparently the only thing to do in Hdale at midnight is get inoculated for rabies
• There's great debate over whether to use "is" or "was" when describing a dead person's birthday
• Kodiak casserole = chopped bear
• We thought of behaving...well that ship's sailed

Snoring

Some might find snoring annoying, but for me, it brings back good memories. For the last two years of my college career, I lived with a girl who snored. She was by far the easiest person to live with and she cooked some epic meals when she was actually home. She worked so hard at her job, school, and boxing training that she would come home some nights, lay down on the couch, and be out within two minutes, snoring away. Again, it wasn't at all annoying, I just found it funny that she could fall asleep so fast. Not only did she snore, but she would sleep talk, which was quite entertaining for me. I would mention it to her the next morning, and she would have absolutely no recollection of the conversation.

What brought back these memories this particular evening was my cat. Yes, that's right. My cat. I was watching The Big Bang Theory when I heard a faint noise coming from the blanket closet. I muted the television, and low and behold, the noise became more apparent. It was snoring. Apparently my cat decided to crawl back behind the comfy blankets for a nap and was deep in sleep, enough to be able to snore. I thought it was adorable and it also put a smile on my face because it reminded me of a dear friend of mine.

Take home points from my day:

• The consequence from making myself blonder involved a wicked headache
• The cure for a wicked headache is a nap on the couch
• My life isn't terribly exciting at the moment
• I wonder if someone can be allergic to a cactus

Can You Hear Me Now?

I live in the middle of nowhere, or as my friend likes to call it, the sticky stix. It's relaxing, enjoyable, boring, unnerving, and isolating all at the same time. For the most part, I enjoy living in the country, but nobody ever comes to visit because nobody knows how to locate my house. Heck, the local police even think we live in a different county. We learned that one night when we called the non-emergency number to report that someone's horses were loose on our property. Thankfully it wasn't an emergency since the police would have gone somewhere 30 miles away.
Recently, our cell service has decided to get really bad again. We used to get two bars relatively consistently, but now it's mostly just one if any at all. I almost have to laugh because I can move my phone a millimeter and lose service and then exhale and it's back. This evening it took like an hour for some texts to come through, which is why my friends probably won't come visit. They'll lose their constant connectivity to the outside world whilst in the boonies. Those who aren't accustomed to this will end up feeling uneasy with a disconcerting feeling in the pit of their stomach, unless they truly desire an escape; then my home is like a sanctuary and a visit turns into a much needed vacation.

Take home points from my day:

• Be counter-cultural and stand up for what you believe in
• Gravitate towards those who truly appreciate you and are dependable
• It still snows even when it's springtime 
• USA and Mexico had a 0-0 tie in the soccer game last night

USA! USA! USA!

I like soccer. A LOT! It's probably my favorite sport to watch on TV because the players are always on the move and the game can change quickly. Plus, I like to yell at the TV for the refs ignorance or over dives that I don't approve of. I'm currently watching USA play Mexico for World Cup Qualifying. This is nothing like the game in the snow the other night, but it'll definitely be a good game given the rivalry between these two teams. According to statistics, the away team has never won in 41 years. Also, the USA has never won on Mexican soil in qualifying. At the moment, teams are playing pretty evenly, though Mexico seems to have a slight advantage. Both teams have made some good runs and had some attempts on goal. I'm hoping that Clint Dempsey has a few opportunities to add some goals to his sheet. He's scored 7 of the 13 qualifying goals according to the announcers.
Since I'm done rambling background info and statistics, feel free to enjoy my commentary on the game's action for the remaining of the match. If you hate soccer, feel free to stop reading and skip to my take home points of the day section. If you love soccer as much as I do, I hope my commentary isn't too dull. The USA just got its second yellow card in the first 19 minutes so that better not impact them later with players getting into trouble. I guess when you have a striker speeding past you, it's necessary to give a harsh foul to reduce the advantage. Mexico just made a dangerous into the box, but the ball went off the pitch. The Mexican crowd is brutal right now, booing the Americans and demanding the Mexicans put on a show. Corner kick for Mexico and Guzan giving direction to the defense. Ball soars over the heads of the Mexicans. The altitude could come into play at Azteca Stadium. They're at 1.5 miles up. Dos Santos was just fouled by Bradley, who already has a yellow, so he must tread carefully. Free kick for Mexico, but the header went straight to the keeper. Mexico made an energetic run, but no finish from Mexico as players go flying into the net trying to head/clear the ball. Corner for Mexico due to Beasley's mistake. His 99th cap, but first time as a left back. Announcer said USA is in survival mode at the moment. Dempsey is currently down on the pitch, which is a little disconcerting. USA thrown in doesn't get them anywhere. 34 minutes in and still no score. Out to the left wing for Mexico and Zusi wins the challenge, but has a short lived counter for USA.  Free kick given to Mexico, who are able to string passes together, unlike the USA. Mexico seems to have morphed into a 4-2-4. Out to the left wing for USA, but unable to attack. Dempsey attempted a run, but Mexico counters, but Dos Santos was offsides. USA is unable to protect the football. Header from Cameron goes right to the Mexican keeper. Bradley has a good opportunity, but Torres was able to tackle the ball away, though got injured. Counter by Dos Santos, but way over compensates on his cross, which goes out. Foul by USA, and Beasley must be careful after getting booked early. Free kick for Mexico towards near post and headed out of danger. Two excellent saves by Guzan, but there's a collision with the forward Zavala. Goal kick for USA with a break away, but Dempsey is unable to control the pass and goes across the end line. Quick free kick by Mexico, but USA regains control. USA thrown in and another whistle for a USA free kick after Altidore has a man climb his back. Gomez takes free kick and it's punched out by Ochoa. Throw in for USA gets kicked out by Mexico. Apparently fans might have lasers trained on some USA players. Gonzalez kicks it up field, but it trickles out of bounds for a throw in. Half time whistle blows and the crowd boos.
And the second half kicks off with Mexico maintaining possession. They scooted down the left wing before the ball went out for a throw in. USA gives it away and Mexico presses forward. Cross deflects off Besler in the box and thankfully goes wide of the goal. Mexico corner to the far side of the box headed out of trouble. Crowd is a bit volatile according to the announcers. Mexican fans demanding a win here with Mexico only having 2 points in the group for qualifying. Play has slowed as Mexico retains possession. They seem content with just passing it back and forth, rather than attacking. Cross up the left wing to Guardado. Mexico is decked out in black rather than the usual home green that traditionalists are accustomed to. Adu lost the ball at midfield and Beasley thankfully kicks the ball out for a corner kick after the mistake. Low corner with the shot deflected. Gomez is trying to make something of the USA possession. Altidore is working it on the left wing, but the ball is given away by Bradley. Great shot from Mexico left wing, but right to Guzan. Dos Santos is putting pressure on the USA defense, but the attack is short lived. Boos at every USA touch, but Mexico has the ball back. The top strikers for both teams have never scored against each other. Beasley doesn't seem comfortable defending Aquino who had a shot go off the top of the net. Aquino has another go, but the ball was intercepted, but Beasley is down and looks hurt. I guess he got stepped on during the attack. Another off target shot by Mexico. USA substitution. Eddie Johnson is ready to come on for Altidore, which seems a bit of a surprise to some, but not all. Beasley looks like he's in pain as he waits to throw the ball in. Apparently the substitution was fueled by Gatorade; who knew! USA cross was too long and goes out for a Mexican goal kick. Johnson's play doesn't have to be "cute?" but effective. What are these announcers talking about? Costa Rica is leading its game and Jamaica is leading its game. Panama is up as well. Break away by Mexico, but USA shuts it down. Mexico is stringing passes together with a chip to the left winger, who loses control. USA needs to not force things. Mexico is definitely showing its soccer prowess, but USA is holding its own. Shot by Torres gets deflected for a corner. Cross goes out for a goal kick. Zusu is limping after that challenge, but play continued. Free kick given to USA. Beasley with the free kick from the left wing, but the referee gives possession to Mexico after its taken. Mexico is charging down field, but the strikers couldn't keep up with the ball. USA isn't getting slaughtered due to the sloppy play of Mexico. Gonzalez had a great slide tackle to stop the Mexican progression. Cameron to throw in the ball. Adu chases after it, but Mexico has the ball again. Forward pass cut off by Besmer, the top MLS defender for Sporting Kansas City. Mexico is called for offsides. Dempsey leading the USA attack slows it down as the USA passes around the center of the pitch. Shot by Johnson, but he was offsides. Not a bad strike, but it was wide and the flag was up.
Enough of this play by play. I need to just kick back and watch. I'll let you know who won tomorrow. I'm sure most are thankful to not have to read anymore. Game is in the 67th minute currently.

Take home points from my day:

• I get along better with people who are older than me
• Planning anything for my birthday is never a good idea
• I have no idea what to do for my birthday
• Having friends living in various cities limits visitations
• My cat has rabbit feet

Commercials

The bad part about television is the fact that we must suffer through commercials. I typically am not at all amused by them and try to tune most of them out. This evening, two commercials caught my attention; one for it not making sense to me, and the other was awe inspiring. The Payless shoes commercial is what has me baffled. It starts out with a woman saying, "Easter is normally a struggle." Now for me, Easter represents the resurrection of Jesus and the only struggle in my mind would be in fathoming how much He must love me to die for my sins. Unfortunately, this commercial does not share in my struggle, but has its own involving fashion. Unbeknownst to me, it's apparently difficult to find the right shoes and clothing to wear on Easter. Though I guess I'm the wrong person to ask about fashion since I typically just roll out of bed and throw on whatever happens to be available; not much thought involved. Now the hipster hobo classification is making more sense....but I digress. The second commercial that was awe inspiring was promoting spray on Vaseline, but that's not what intrigued me. What intrigued me was the fact that the young woman in the commercial had the ability to get dressed so fast and literally hopped into her shoes. Yes I said hopped! How is that possible and how can I learn? I need more excitement when it comes to getting dressed for my day so that I actually go through with it, rather than spending all my hours in my pajamas. Though I guess if I had a job to be motivated to get dressed for that would be an even better start, but one thing at a time. I can only do so much in today's economy and the insistence that all applications be submitted online, which is rather discouraging since I believe it would be beneficial for a place of employment to get to know me from my personality, not a piece of paper. But such is society, run by computers and efficiency, not personal relationships. Tis quite sad.

Take home points from my day:

• It's ridiculous for there to be a novel based on the Bible miniseries. BUY A BIBLE!
• I wish I lived in a community so I could see friends frequently
• Long drives aren't as much fun when alone
• Charmin commercials don't make me want to rub my face on bath tissue

That's Not My Cup of Tea

Do you ever find yourself using catch-all or cliche phrases that have no relevance to your life? I've come to this realization recently because I have a tendency to say, "That's not my cup of tea." It seems like a harmless phrase (and it is, no nuclear attacks spring forth from it I promise), but it completely lacks relevance in my life. Anybody who knows me totally knows where I'm going with this. Those who don't, bear with me.
For starters, I don't enjoy hot beverages. I hate burning my tongue or the roof of my mouth, so I just opt out of any scalding beverages to avoid the misery. On top of that, I don't like tea of any form, including the iced version. So in all honesty, my utilization of the phrase, "That's not my cup of tea," is a blanket statement meaning that I don't like anything, since a cup of tea is never truly in high esteem in my life. Not exactly a mind blowing concept, but I should truly refrain from this phrase usage if nothing will ever be my cup of tea since tea is nonexistent in my lifestyle.

Take home points from my day:

• Talking while frying homemade fajitas greatly reduces their flexibility
• Homemade meals with friends are quite enjoyable
• I really must start watching bird documentaries
• Evolution cannot be applied to humans

What's a McGerbil?

It's funny when someone's brain and mouth have a bit of a disconnect. It's even funnier when some ends up coining the term "McGerbil" since apparently "McDonald's Big Mac" is too difficult to process.

Take home points from my day:

• Flannel shirts can be used to play checkers
• Golden Girls marathons are the best
• I can't take the Snuggles bear seriously...I blame Robot Chicken

Pet Peeves and Personal Issues

I'm normally a rather calm and mellow individual. My feathers aren't easily ruffled because I've been blessed with patience, but there are still a number of things that irk me. For starters, I'm currently peeved at ESPN2 for lying to me and making me miss the first 7 minutes of the Spain vs Finland World Cup qualifier. The game was supposed to be televised starting at 3:40pm, yet the station opted to discuss college basketball and top picks for the NFL draft rather than allow me to enjoy the start of the game. I'm not sure what bothers me more the fact that I was technically lied to, or the fact that a sporting network clearly doesn't care about soccer. If this had been the NFL playoffs, there would be an uproar! Speaking of the NFL, what's up with that combine? Any exercise physiologist could tell you that the whole event is pointless and not at all sport specific. Since when is there an instance in a game where somebody has to repeatedly bench 225 pounds or sprint, unimpeded, for 40 yards? Why this is still utilized to evaluate the talent of a player is beyond me.
While we're on the topic of sports, let me ask you this: When did it become okay for March Madness to implement a monopoly on all of the channels I typically watch? This annoyance began last night when I settled in to enjoy my Thursday evening by taking in episodes of Big Bang Theory, Person of Interest, and Elementary. To my dismay, though, CBS was televising college basketball until the end of time. And they still are, might I add. To make things worse, March Madness has now spread to TBS and TNT, along with occupying CBS. Most shocking, though, is the fact that basketball will plague truTV, which typically functions as a crime/public idiot station. Maybe those in charge of the NCAA know something about those games that I don't and crime and public idiocy will still be viewed. Time will tell, I guess.
Another channel that has been irritating me lately as of late is the History Channel. It used to be my favorite channel because I could learn things by watching Histories Mysteries, Unsolved History, Cities of the Underworld, and lengthy marathons on the Gestapo and World War II, which is why I so kindly referred to it as the Hitler channel. These days, though, it's a rare time that I can find anything remotely historical being televised. When did Ice Road Truckers and Swamp People teach us about our past? I'm not looking for modern day nonsense. If I wanted to watch that, I'd flip on MTV or TLC. (It's funny that The Learning Channel is what has the most ridiculous things on that promote polygamy, toddler beauty queens, and Honey Boo Boo). The only redeeming shows on History these days are Cowboys and Outlaws, Vikings, and The Bible. I'm pretty excited that The Bible miniseries exists to grasp the interest of this ever secular world. My only complaint about it involves last week's episode that showed the Wise Men at the birth of Jesus. For one, it's not historically accurate, but more astonishingly, it's not biblically accurate. The Book of Matthew clearly explains how they arrived to visit Jesus close to when he was two years old, which is why Herod Antipas went on a tirade and had all the male children who were two or younger murdered. Sure, some might tell me not to nitpick, but the arrival of the Magi was portrayed in a fashion that did not make any sense whatsoever, and I really wish that more care had been taken in the presentation of this story.
Now for the more mundane and random pet peeves that I hold dear. For instance, I can't stand microwaves that don't stop beeping when you open the door right away. It's like they're insisting on getting the last obnoxious word in even though I've already retrieved my food from its interior. These microwaves really make me want to yell, "Enough already!" before promptly smashing them with a sledgehammer. Phone alarms that refuse to function also annoy me to know end. It's like they are out to get me and don't want me to be on time for important events such as church or driving my brother to the German consulate. If i could, I'd use electroshock therapy on them so they'd get their act together, but alas, that would only cause it to short circuit and really not function properly.
Last, but certainly not least, is a personal issue I have that has manifested into a pet peeve out of my own ridiculousness. In order to keep bottles of soda from losing their fizziness, I always insist on tightening the caps as far as they can go to keep the carbonation under wraps. The problem that arises, though, is my inability to reopen the bottle once I've tightened the caps in such a manner. I've worn my palm raw attempting to remove the plastic caps, which is really frustrating when in the midst of a 12 hour roadtrip. Thankfully I have become creative in finding objects to use for traction when attempting to free the carbonation such as strips from my lint roller or a towel.

Take home points from my day:

• Four packs of chocolate chips and muffin mix are not the same as four packs of chocolate chip muffin mix
• I need to get excited about March Madness
• The name Xavi (pronounced shah-vee) amuses me
• My cat seems to have gained weight despite being on a diet

Keep Your True Friends Close

These days it seems like everybody is trying to get fame and fortune. They gravitate towards people who they believe will make them more popular and appear relevant in this day and age. Truth of the matter is, surrounding yourself with the so called popular folk will just end with you getting used and abused and kicked to the curb. The people you should keep close to you are the ones who know you best. The ones who know to leave you alone when you're grieving or that you love the french toast at Perkins. The people who can say something really awkward in a text message, yet you can still tell how much they love you because they truly understand your personality. The friends worth keeping are those who remind you to be your true self in public so you don't feel the need to keep wearing that mask to gain approval from people you may never see again. Your friends should be proud of you no matter what stage of life you're in because they know you're trying your best to be you and live out your dreams. They understand the craziness in your life and offer encouragement that you are doing the right thing, even if that means no steady job exists. These are the people worth keeping. Not the ones who try to use you as a step stool or are only friends with you until somebody better comes along. Those individuals don't deserve the time of day and should never consume your mind. If you question whether someone really wants to be friends with you, you probably shouldn't be friends with them. It is better to have few friends who know you well than a stadium of people who can't even remember your full name. Know that you're worth it and that you should never feel down when spending time with a friend. If they make you feel bad about yourself, it might be time to walk away because you deserve happiness.

Take home points from my day:

• It's not worth staying mad at people; it's too exhausting
• It's confusing when people eat spinach out of a butter container
• You don't always need to hold a conversation with someone to show that you care
• Always offer a helping hand
• Writing should be for yourself, not a means to impress others

Long Drives, People Watching, and Bookstores

I find long drives to be very therapeutic. It's just me (and occasionally a passenger) and the open road prepared to rock out to some awesome tunes as I absorb the beautiful scenery and zooming cars. Today I happened to have the company of my brother to headbang to some old school New Found Glory as we chatted on our way to the Big Apple. We both have a similar distaste for New Jersey and commented on how we could have sworn the smell of the air changed (which honestly isn't much different than when I cross the bridge by Walmart going from Stroudsburg to East Stroudsburg). I figure not much good can come out of a place that promoted the show Jersey Shore, which is really just based on a bunch of drunks from Staaaten IIslaaand. The only plus is that there are no moose to avoid on the roadways like Maine. Luckily I like to drive or else the traffic halting every 5 miles for no apparent reason would have really driven me crazy. The drive went smoothly enough as I looped Park Avenue a handful of times waiting for my brother to come out of his appointment. I almost did something really cool and had the opportunity to drive through the Helmsley Building via the Park Avenue Viaduct (Viaduct...why a no chicken?) but talked myself out of it. Instead, on the way home we drove through Times Square just for kicks whilst in search of the Lincoln Tunnel entrance.
Now on to people watching. If you haven't discovered the beauty of this form of entertainment, you are truly missing out in life. You'll miss seeing a man walking his dog, yet looking directly up at the sky totally preoccupied to the point that he jerks to a stop when the dog stops to sniff a tree. On top of that, you'll miss out being confused by a woman carrying a sippy cup only to discover the man behind her carrying a baby girl who the sippy cup most likely belongs too, although one may not want to jump to too many conclusions via assumptions...then you're just a total ass. It's also pretty cool to see a man pedaling a bicycle with his two children on the back. Made me reminisce about my childhood briefly. Now the added bonus of people watching is when they come close enough that you can listen to their conversations and get to play the fun game of stifling your laughter so that they don't realize that you find them absolutely hilarious. For instance, a couple weeks ago I overheard some elderly man sharing a story with two of his friends in a Barnes & Noble. All I heard was that saw naked Norwegian man with an axe waded into a river in order to chop the ice. Seriously, I can't make this stuff up! Today the people that shared the icecream shoppe with me didn't let me down, either. This woman was going on and on about a stroller and then said that it was a gift to push her cat around in from her in-laws. Apparently the year before they gave her the cat. I wonder what she'll get next year as a gift. A kitty car? She then changed topics and mentioned something about college kids in costumes chasing her daughter or some girl down the street in office chairs. Trying to quell my laughter after that was darn near impossible because I kept wondering what kind of crazy life she lead, though she definitely brightened my day!
If I wasn't living out of my car and on the floors, couches, and beds of friends, I think I would set up camp in a used bookstore. I become so engrossed in all of the possible selections and I absolutely love the smell of old books! It's also great coming across new authors or new books by favorite authors. So many worlds can be discovered within a bookstore, and there are plenty of ridiculous signs and titles to laugh at. I mean, seriously, who puts the romance novels and Christian novels in the same section next to horror? That makes absolutely no sense! What's better is when the labels don't correspond to the book genre. Then I just like to figure out the possibility of how those books could relate to the topic anyway. But, dude, I really was amused by the children's book cover that said This Is Not My Hat, which had a fish swimming with a hat on. I am slightly intrigued and freaked out at how this could possibly happen in real life. I've also decided I might start reading books by Douglas Coupland just based on the fact that the titles of his books are awesome. Who wouldn't want to read Girlfriend in a Coma and Hey, Nostradamus!?

Take home points from my day:

• It might seem like I'm mooching off my parents, brother, and my friend's parents 
• If I say I want pasta, it means I'd be cool with a can of Chef Boyardee
• When deciding between a can or a bottle, opt for a canned bottle
• Pablo = Luis Garcia...close enough
• Velociraptor runs like dolphin (Tolkien sounds like dolphin)
• If the pizza shop owner begins talking in Russian, it means we're obnoxious and should sleep in the garage
• Don't take my awakeness away!
• The groundhog either lied or was drunk

The Simple Life

Laughter is amazing! It can turn anybody's gloom into lighthearted happiness. There's no reason to take life so seriously; it's much better to question the social norms and come up with outlandish ideas and commentary. A talk about whether to home school a child and basing that decision upon living in an area that offers gatherings for homes-schooled children is much funnier given the prospect that gatherings are always near by if you live out of your car. That way you're always mobile and anything is possible! It could be the start to a great new trend, too. Why have trailer parks when one can have a car park? Gas is much cheaper than rent these days anyway. Also, why spend money for a smartphone when it would be way more fun to use smoke signals, carrier pigeons and migrating coconuts?
Life these days is just way too complicated. There's so much focus on what others have and do that nobody enjoys what they have and do. I love wearing sweatpants and sweatshirts, but when I noticed that people I'd gone to high school with and hadn't seen in seven years were coming into the pizza joint for a baby shower dressed in fashionable jeans and heels with children on their hips and another in a carrier, I felt dreadfully uncomfortable and out of place, desiring to hide my face and disappear. But when I think about it, I have nothing to be ashamed of and I don't want their lives. I'm content traveling around and volunteering and being able to wander around in my sweats. I don't do fashion and I definitely don't feel like I should be all settled down with a husband and kids at the moment. Maybe one day, but not now. And if that doesn't work out, then I can always hoard cats and be that crazy lady on a porch in a rocking chair with a pump action shotgun across her life. Whatever floats my boat, keeps me entertained, and is simple.
I have little time for having the confusion and complications of seeing if my life measures up to the people next door. I'm sure I could solve that problem really fast by just living in the middle of nowhere so I had no neighbors to compare myself to, but lets not go overboard into crazy town just yet. All I really need to do is fill my life with laughter because the happiness will follow and there won't be time for senseless comparisons. I'd rather sit around quoting Monty Python, The Marx Brothers, Eddie Izzard, and Mitch Hedberg than trying to determine who is best dressed, has the cutest house setup, or throws the best dinner party. I know I will never be queen of any of those categories, but that won't detract from my happiness at all. I'd much rather joke about how Hitler didn't play Risk as a child, witches weighing the same as a duck, hailing Freedonia, and determining it would be awful to get killed by an arrow because the cops most assuredly would walk away. And if you don't know what I'm talking about and just think I'm a crazy person, you're missing out on some classic comedy. It's okay, feel free to go back to your perfectly eloquent surroundings for your fondu party.

Take home points from my day:

• Cars that drive two only sleep one
• I'm not a high society girl
• You'll never go hungry if you know how to make mud pies
• It's okay to think of yourself before others on occasion

Multitasking Limits Concentration and Decision Making

From all of the new mobile phone advertisements, society is to garner the idea that we benefit from multitasking. Yet the conclusion that I've reached in recent weeks is that all of the gizmos and gadgets that are available at our fingertips to use simultaneously actually limits my ability to ever truly focus or concentrate. Even as I type this I'm opening new tabs on my web browser for no particular reason. I just can't seem to perform singular tasks and enjoy them anymore. When watching television, I'm typically surfing the internet or playing card games with somebody. I can't just sit and enjoy a book any more, becoming fully engrossed in the plot. Rather, I read multiple books at one time, getting through a handful of pages in one before getting bored and switching to another. And the ability to just sit and relax doing nothing are all but gone from my life. I always have a constant nagging that I should be doing something or could be doing something else once I start a particular task. It drives me crazy, too, that once I am about a mile into a run I get bored and wonder why I even wanted to go for a run in the first place. I despise our multitasking world, but have become so thickly immersed in the culture and expected to perform that I don't seem to remember how to relax and enjoy myself. I sound like one of those annoying commercials for depression: "Can't seem to enjoy the things you used to???" Even when I am talking to somebody, I can get distracted if somebody else I know close by in the room starts another conversation because part of me tries to listen to them even when I'm already supposedly engrossed in my own conversation. The end result typically involves me only half listening to both people, and dead silence when I forget to respond at the right moment.
Another issue I've come across is the fact that with so many options available and at my disposal, I can never make a decision on anything. I spend too much time focusing on what other people might want that I never really know what I want, which is never a good dilemma to be in. The constantly desiring to have my cake and eat it too has honestly left me with an empty feeling. One can't have everything, and without effective decision making, you'll be left floating through life with no purpose. This is essentially where I'm at; I have no idea what I want to do with my life, yet I'm constantly on the move trying to figure out what makes me happy. The truth is, I'll never find happiness by running away or to something in particular. This world has no comfort in it outside of God, which is where I should turn to make any sort of decision. He made me, and thus knows where I'm heading. But with the distractions that society constantly bombards the inhabitants with, it's so hard to have that singular focus on the Creator of the world. I need to recapture my ability to concentrate and focus and make a decision about what direction to go in because moping around wishing things were different sure isn't going to change anything.

Take home points from my day:

• Confusion is the story of my life at the moment
• I make a good punching bag for a 6 week old
• I have the ability to be very literal in my thinking, which might irritate some
• I need to stop comparing myself to others
• I'm afraid to share my frustrations with people who are really happy out of fear I'll ruin their day
• Chocolate is my favorite comfort food

Wanderlust Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be

Today is the first day I've actually been home in 2.5 weeks. I've spent much of the year on the road doing volunteer work, playing tourist, and checking in with friends since I have the time. Many people think it's awesome that I've been practically living out of my car (only had to sleep in it once thus far) and enjoying plenty of adventures. I won't deny that they're right in the fact that my life this year has been full of fun adventures and that living day by day provides excitement (I've been in 8 states in the past 2.5 weeks), but many don't realize what must be given up and sacrificed in the process. Any semblance of consistency or a place to call home goes right out the window. Also, though I've gotten to meet some amazing people in my travels, the issue arises that you miss these folks tremendously because they live anywhere from 2-12 hours away by car. I have no routine people in my life currently, and I kind of miss that. I miss having consistent lunch or dinner plans with particular people. My life now involves me driving to see people. I feel like I am constantly having to put forth a greater effort than usual because I'm not home to ensure that I'm not alone. I can't experience the joy of a surprise visit from a long lost friend showing up on my doorstep when I have no doorstep for them to arrive at.
On the flipside, though, time spent away has helped me appreciate the little things in life. Hugs from the waitress at the local pizzeria, sharing a meal with my parents, and laughing with old friends are definitely that much sweeter after weeks on the road. Not having to be concerned about whose couch or floor I'm going to sleep on also reduces any stress built up over time on the road. From being away I've concluded that being content with where you're at and who you are is the key to success and enjoying life. If time is spent wishing to be elsewhere or with other people, the present moment isn't appreciated. The present is meant to be enjoyed, not dreaded. Each day is different from the next and when time is spent focusing on what was or what could be, happiness fades to the background. Appreciate smiles that are exchanged, the ability to run, laughter, clean clothing, and homemade cooking. These things are never guaranteed and shouldn't be taken for granted.

Take home points from my day:

• Always give a 6 week old a mohawk
• When all else fails, run away! and quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail
• Some think it's funny that I could potentially catch on fire
• Target shooting is great stress relief
• Mud is indeed slippery
• Cat owners need cat-like reflexes to prevent felines from escaping to the outdoors

There's Always Room For Plan B

I get so frustrated by the need for plans. They are thoroughly and completely pointless because if they aren't meant to happen, they're bound to fall apart. Take today for exampl. I was supposed to go to NYC with a friend of mine from college, just like old times. We stood outside the bus station in the snow for about a half hour with no sign of the bus. It was running late and I was quite tired of the snow, so we started discussing alternative options. Once I heard that Silver Linings Playbook was playing at the movie theater, I jumped for joy at the thought of being able to see a flick I've been wanting and unable to see for months. We decided to commit to Plan B and began walking up the street, ironically passing the bus we had been so eagerly waiting for only a few minutes ago.
This new plan required killing two hours, but that was quickly solved by opting to entertain ourselves in an Irish beer drinking establishment given it's the day before St. Patrick's Day. Our options were The Porch and The Cellar. Given the latter's door was locked, we opted for Plan B: The Porch. There we were able to enjoy some chips, an overflowing Guinness, and have outlandish discussions about how to prepare for the zombie apocalypse (clearly by acquiring Bigfoot on a leash), trying to determine whether or not people from Wisconsin badger others, and the fact that there was a menu item entitled bangers and mashed.
On to Silver Linings Playbook. I'm totally a fan of this movie for so many reasons! The acting is great, it maintains your attention, but particularly, it's because I relate best to craziness and chaos and this movie really brings mental illness into the forefront of your mind. I think it's important for people to be aware of the mental struggles that some deal with on a daily basis, whether it be depression, bipolar, etc. The stigma needs to stop that it's bad to be "crazy," when for some, that's completely normal. It's a constant battle, and these people need support as much as anybody else who deals with any other illness. But back to the movie, I could totally relate to part of what Tiffany was dealing with when she spoke of feeling empty about helping so many people who never offered her anything in return. Now that might come across as selfish, but it's the honest truth. I won't sit here and tell you that it's easy to always be there for others. It can be mentally and emotionally draining over time. But I think one of my favorite quotes came from Pat at the very end of the movie when he said, "The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday. That's guaranteed. I can't begin to explain that. Or the craziness inside myself and everyone else." It's so true! The world is a harsh environment with its own blend of chaos, and there's no solution or explanation behind it.
On another tangent, I've never been the biggest fan of Disney movies or the cookie-cutter suburbs because there's too much gloss and fakeness, not that that's even a word, but it is now! (If "bootylicious" can make it into the dictionary, anything can!) Anyways, I just don't like anything or anybody that's putting on airs and acting like everything in life is perfect and flawless. The truth of the matter is that anybody who believes that is delusional. Life is messy and chaotic and never goes the way you think it will. You can plan all you want, but it'll never function according to that layout. My point is, why lie about things breaking down and falling apart? We all have issues and dilemmas that we'd be much better off sharing, rather than masking and hiding. Nobody should be afraid to share their true self with anybody.
The moral of the story is that we should never let life get us down when it doesn't go according to plan. Look for open doors and opportunities and always be willing to keep your options open. You never know what kind of fun is just around the corner.

Take home points from my day:

• I dress like a hipster hobo
• I resemble an orange snow-cone
• Life's too short to not act like yourself
• Enjoy time with old friends
• As Billy Joel said, "You may be right. I may be crazy."
• There are some who prefer to drink alcohol separate from their food
• Managing to get Bigfoot on a leash would be nothing short of a miracle
• Trust that new friends want to hear all about you: the good, bad, and ugly