Life Irks Me

Maybe it's because I've been reading Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer, and maybe it's because of the conversation I had with my brother this morning, but I don't understand why we insist on spending our lives wasting time at jobs we hate to make money to keep up with people we don't care about in order to have possessions that are pointless. Not that I want to waste my education, but why spend the rest of my days doing something I find dull and tiresome? I wish there was a way to spend my days traveling, writing, and helping people, whether that be through disaster relief or sharing about the benefits of running. I've discovered that I'm quite the minimalist in life and would be perfectly content living out of my car bumming around the country. So why strive for a paycheck larger than what is necessary in order to live a conventional life? I feel like I'll miss out if I just stay in one spot. I'll end up doing something useless like constantly watching repeats of NCIS or Rizzoli & Isles just because I live in a house or apartment. Wouldn't my time be more well spent traveling around and sharing experiences with others, possibly writing about all of my adventures so others could live vicariously through me if they're stuck in the hubbub of daily life that is status quo America?
Why do we feel the need to torture ourselves in order to live up to supposed expectations or keep up with the people in our circle of friends? I know too many people who loathe what they're doing with their lives and it's all just to chase after the myth of the American Dream. There's no way to fill a void with possessions, friends, spouses, or children, if the root of the problem is that you aren't happy with how you conduct your life. My goal is to go against the grain and live my life to the fullest, which may not involve heaps of money. I've never been one to want much in the way of material things (except for books; I long to turn my habitat into a library), so why do I need to make six figures by working 14 hour days in the hopes that someone might look longingly at what I have? Seems like a giant circus. I'd much rather spend my time with people I love and care about than at a job I hate.

Take home points from my day:

• I have no idea why we spend time doing what we hate
• I might write a rambling book about my haphazard life
• I have no idea what to do with my life
• My brother and I are in the same boat in life

Thunderstorm Thinking

So it just started thundering outside. I honestly should be asleep by now because I've been awake since 2am and that was after only getting 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night. Pure craziness right there. But, alas, my mind is swirling with thoughts as per usual. Today has really demonstrated that life is short and we need to be as joyful for what we have has possible. I don't really want to get into it, but started my day with two separate, yet equally sad stories. At the same time, because I'm so utterly beyond exhausted, I'm questioning everything in my life right now and desperately wanting to just fall asleep so as to not have my mind go down the rabid rabbit trails. It's an unfortunate frequent occurrence (jeepers that is one hard word to spell; like it legit took me 10 times before I gave up and typed it partly into Google) when I'm overly exhausted. I second guess myself. I wonder if what I want out of life is really what I want out of life or just somebody else's plan for me. I question whether people care, which is just plain silly. And worst of all I waste time comparing myself to others when I'm my own unique person who is loved for being herself, not some fake person. I need to always embrace the real me and be aware of if I ever sense I'm changing myself to suit somebody else because that's just bad news bears right there. Part of me would no longer exist if I opted out of my true self. Honestly I don't know why I'm so caught up in people's opinions of me. They don't really matter in the long run; only God's opinion of me. And He wouldn't be too happy if I chose to attempt to be somebody else. I can't improve upon His perfect creation and I shouldn't try to morph into another creation just to suit somebody else's liking. I need to feel comfortable in my own skin. I only wish that day would come faster so I don't feel so awkward all the time. It's an uncomfortable feeling, always being unsure of yourself and questioning who you really are to yourself and others. I don't recommend or wish that on anyone (TOTALLY JUST JUMPED DUE TO LOUD THUNDER gosh that normally doesn't scare me, but it made me chuckle cuz I typed anywon originally rather than anyone). But I digress. When will I just feel comfortable being me and love all of my quirks (or quarks...oh how I miss Petey at times like this). But alas, some things fall apart for better things to fall together. I can't rely on people or their opinions. I can just love them where they're at and for who they are. No more of this trying to compare life stories to see who is better or worse off. Seems so much like that Icon for Hire song "Get Well" and I'm starting to drive myself crazy. I can't imagine how others feel, but I'm sure enough is enough.

Take home points from my day:

• Lots of rain means road closures due to flooding
• I make no sense when I type whilst exhausted
• Scottish accents amuse me
• There's a draft in my room, but I don't know where it's coming from
• I just noticed a vent in my ceiling, which is probably the source of the draft
• Tonight's post is probably making reader's question why they follow a hipster hobo's thought processes