Au Revoir

So a friend of mine is moving from Pennsylvania to the great Smoky Mountains of North Carolina on Saturday. Last night I met up with her and another friend of ours for a bit of a goodbye dinner. The restaurant that was chosen for this event was the Powerhouse Eatery in White Haven, which I had never heard of, until yesterday. When we arrived, there was a foyer where we had to wait for a hostess to seat us. As we glanced into the dining room area, we realized that the establishment was much fancier than we anticipated. I joked that I could now cross something off of my bucketlist: eating dinner in a fancy restaurant whilst dressed as a hobo.

The hostess sat us in the back room (almost like she knew how we act in public) and KK requested the booth, which was practically closed off to the rest of the eating area. It was pretty cool to have our own little nook, and it was definitely necessary given our conversations. Our first, albeit brief, discussion involved the debate of "once saved, always saved" and how to interpret certain Bible verses about the issue. Soon Hannah was speaking in foreign accents and telling a made up story about the German phrase "macht schnell," which means hurry up, but Hannah told a story about a man herding snails 37 miles in Alaska. Because, you know, that's related. Our conversation soon drifted to the show "1000 Ways to Die" and how it would be amazing if Hannah went to the beach with her future husband dressed as an Amish couple, but then they opt to rebel and strip down to a bikini and speedo. KK and I are supposed to be in the crowd to film it whenever this occurs; I can't wait for that day.
After dinner we decided to go drive past the monastery to see if it was as interesting as we made it out to be in our heads. Unfortunately, there were a bunch of workers at the end of the driveway, so we couldn't go make friends with a bunch of Greek Orthodox monks. We circled back to the eatery's parking lot listening to the Rend Collective Experiment, which Hannah determined is like the Christian version of Mumford & Sons. We had an impromptu dance party in the parking lot following our spinning in circles and trying to walk straight on the lines of the parking lot. Definitely a lot harder than I thought it'd be. Soon we were taking pictures of all of us trying to do cartwheels and handstands, followed by interpretive dances such as life of a polliwog and attack of the dinosaur. I can't imagine a better way to send off a dear friend on a new adventure in life!

Take home points from my day:

• Euthanasia...not to be confused with kids in China
• I feel like I'm in an episode of The Big Bang Theory trying to find a chirping cricket inside 
• It's fun to play the game of "Who can drop more bo-bos"
• A 4 month old pretending to be superman is rather drooly
  
  

Thunderstorm Thinking

So it just started thundering outside. I honestly should be asleep by now because I've been awake since 2am and that was after only getting 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night. Pure craziness right there. But, alas, my mind is swirling with thoughts as per usual. Today has really demonstrated that life is short and we need to be as joyful for what we have has possible. I don't really want to get into it, but started my day with two separate, yet equally sad stories. At the same time, because I'm so utterly beyond exhausted, I'm questioning everything in my life right now and desperately wanting to just fall asleep so as to not have my mind go down the rabid rabbit trails. It's an unfortunate frequent occurrence (jeepers that is one hard word to spell; like it legit took me 10 times before I gave up and typed it partly into Google) when I'm overly exhausted. I second guess myself. I wonder if what I want out of life is really what I want out of life or just somebody else's plan for me. I question whether people care, which is just plain silly. And worst of all I waste time comparing myself to others when I'm my own unique person who is loved for being herself, not some fake person. I need to always embrace the real me and be aware of if I ever sense I'm changing myself to suit somebody else because that's just bad news bears right there. Part of me would no longer exist if I opted out of my true self. Honestly I don't know why I'm so caught up in people's opinions of me. They don't really matter in the long run; only God's opinion of me. And He wouldn't be too happy if I chose to attempt to be somebody else. I can't improve upon His perfect creation and I shouldn't try to morph into another creation just to suit somebody else's liking. I need to feel comfortable in my own skin. I only wish that day would come faster so I don't feel so awkward all the time. It's an uncomfortable feeling, always being unsure of yourself and questioning who you really are to yourself and others. I don't recommend or wish that on anyone (TOTALLY JUST JUMPED DUE TO LOUD THUNDER gosh that normally doesn't scare me, but it made me chuckle cuz I typed anywon originally rather than anyone). But I digress. When will I just feel comfortable being me and love all of my quirks (or quarks...oh how I miss Petey at times like this). But alas, some things fall apart for better things to fall together. I can't rely on people or their opinions. I can just love them where they're at and for who they are. No more of this trying to compare life stories to see who is better or worse off. Seems so much like that Icon for Hire song "Get Well" and I'm starting to drive myself crazy. I can't imagine how others feel, but I'm sure enough is enough.

Take home points from my day:

• Lots of rain means road closures due to flooding
• I make no sense when I type whilst exhausted
• Scottish accents amuse me
• There's a draft in my room, but I don't know where it's coming from
• I just noticed a vent in my ceiling, which is probably the source of the draft
• Tonight's post is probably making reader's question why they follow a hipster hobo's thought processes

SAD

I'm currently in North Carolina and should be feeling exuberant and thrilled to be in one of the few places where I feel at home, but alas, it's rainy and dreary out and I just don't feel like myself. Maybe it's a touch of seasonal affective disorder; maybe not, but it's always fun to self diagnose yourself with a mental disorder. I wish I felt happier and carefree, but all I can think about is how my life isn't exactly going as planned, though I'm not really in control of that despite what mainstream media and countless self help books might have you believe. I know there is a plan and a purpose behind it all and I'm glad that my volunteer vagabondness has been inspiring to some, but it's still not exactly what I ever had in mind for myself.
On a slightly positive note, I'm glad I'm not isolated and at home, but at the same time, I'm not accustomed to being thrust into community everyday. I guess I shouldn't really say thrust because I go voluntarily, but I'm definitely sensing that I'm outside my comfort zone and it's beginning to get a tad overwhelming for my brain. I don't know how my friend appears to so easily glide through these community events, though I know it's not easy for her because she's an introvert just like me and sometimes struggles with the concept of community. I guess she just has more practice. I feel bad because small talk really isn't my strong suit, so I spend a lot of time just standing or sitting around listening to people and not contributing a whole lot. Sure there's lots on my mind, but it doesn't always go with what's being discussed and nothing is worse than telling a completely unrelated story and just getting blank stares from people followed by anyway...Okay so there probably much worse things to deal with in life in the grand scheme of things, but in my little bubble of a life at the moment, that's just a complete nightmare to endure.
Part of me feels bad not expressing these feelings out loud, but I've never been good at talking about my feelings in the moment. I can always tell people after the fact and maybe that's because I don't want to garner unnecessary attention or sympathy. Being the center of attention for any reason is one of my least favorite things, but I guess it has to happen sometimes. I think something else I'm not used to that I've realized on this visit is the fact that people have looked forward to meeting or seeing me. I feel like that rarely happens sans a handful of close friends. Otherwise, nobody ever expresses distinct interest in my existence. It's a nice feeling to have people want to hold a BBQ just because I'm in town and being told that their daughter was so happy to finally meet me. I'm flattered honestly, but at the same time, it's so totally weird and I don't really know how to respond with anything other than an awkward thank you. Not that I haven't been worthwhile to get to know in the past, but I think I've been so good at keeping to myself that not many people really know me or my crazy personality. I tend to keep it under wraps because I just make the assumption I won't fit in so I don't even bother to try. I know, it sounds crazy. Welcome to my world.

Take home points from my morning:

• It's time to accept life outside of my comfort zone
• I need to make more of an effort at small talk
• It's okay to be a bum on the couch on a dreary day