Stop Pretending

All too often we spend time around the holidays pretending to be happier than we really are. Culture has us stuck in a conundrum. The American Dream is all about being the best version of ourselves, which allows no room for negative emotions. Constantly we must hold up our end of this false perception that we are truly happy with our lives and that nothing could be better than now. Truth of the matter is, we're all lying to others and ourselves.
If I'm to be honest, I'm one of the most discontented people I know. That might come as a surprise to some because I've been blessed with the opportunity to travel around the United States to volunteer with Samaritan's Purse. The problem is that part of me yearns to have a career and not to live as a vagrant, sleeping in my car as I drive 32 hours to Colorado by myself. Part of me would rather have a traveling companion as opposed to being alone all the time. Except once I reach my destination, surrounded by people, I yearn to be alone. That's the problem with me. If I'm at home, I'd rather be traveling. If I'm traveling, I'd rather be home. When I'm with people, I wish I wasn't, and when I'm alone, I wish I had company.
Too much time is spent wishing we were living someone else's life, rather than making the most of our own. I have people telling me they are jealous of my travels, when I'm secretly jealous they have childhood friends they can always depend on. Underneath our smiles, we're all secretly dying inside. Dying to just be honest about our discontent and unhappiness. Anybody who pretends to not know what I'm talking about is again just lying. I'm onto you. I know your denial of negative emotions in your life really just means you're hiding something. Many who appear happy on the exterior are deeply distraught internally because they've been taught that admitting depressive episodes is a sign of weakness. Mental health is never discussed, but brushed under the carpet. If we were free to discuss our feelings, we wouldn't feel as if we were being crushed by remarkable burdens. Isolation and being left alone to handle our unhappiness is quite possibly the biggest lie that has ever been promoted in this country.
So I challenge you to be honest with yourself and others. Admit your struggles. Admit your failings. Stop pretending you have the perfect life when you don't. But at the same time, stop comparing your life to someone else's. Your life is unique and special. You're bound to get stuck in a rut, but don't stay there. Realize what you want to achieve and then take steps forward to allow that to come to fruition.
I gave up on myself two years ago. I'm not totally sure why, but I did. I stopped striving, and as a result, my career was put on hold. I no longer enjoyed what I used to, making conversations with people difficult. They can't understand why the runner no longer runs. They can't figure out how someone with a Master's degree can't find a job. They can't figure out why someone who at times exuded joy is constantly melancholy. What doesn't help is that I have no answers to provide. I'm not who I once was, yet I don't know who I want to become. All I know is that I struggle to sit down and read like I used to, and that I really need to make time for God. He is the only solution. For Him I must stop pretending.